Anyway, for those who missed it, the interview on connecting your children together and how God might interject into the sibling relationship can be found here… Family Life Today International Broadcast with Brett Johnston

If we can help answer any questions or to set up a talk to your community group, feel free to contact me directly or talk to Jim Miller at Tate Publishing @ (405) 376-4900.

May every sibling find joy in each other!

Brett

Become a Fan – Close Kids – Connecting Siblings For Life on Facebook

Family Life Today is an awesome program that is really making a difference in families!

Find a station here

Get more information from FLToday.com here

Podcasts will be available after the show airs as well.  I hope you love it.

Also for those of you in the Fort Worth area (my hometown), I will be at Barnes & Noble this Saturday from 1-3.  Please stop by and say hello, I would love to see you.

Brett

Become a Fan – Close Kids – Connecting Siblings For Life on Facebook

How can we help our kids have a great relationship as adults?

That was the question and hopefully we are a step further today.  But this is only the beginning!  As our kids get older, there will be more pitfalls sure, but many great joys as well.  And many chances for us to influence their relationship.

I’ve always said to groups, I hope someone smarter than me writes a better book about having well connected kids.  That statement has never been more true.  The goal ultimately for us is to do the best we can to form a bond between our kids that is transcending.  Any help is always welcome.

Thank you to all that have helped and supported us along the way.  May you and your children find all the wonderful surprises God has put in your path.

Brett A Johnston
closekids.com

PS. If you have not had the opportunity to purchase a book yet, today is a perfect day.  Amazon is already hosting an amazing sale!  Click any link below to purchase from your favorite bookseller or talk to your local store today.

As we near launch time of the book, I wanted to say a special thank you to my wife, Tiffini!  Without her, this project would never have come.  She was there from the initial idea to the very end.  All her insights, ideas and passion makes it really our project, not just mine.

As it gets closer to January 18th, I have found myself more concerned with promotion of the project than remembering what is important.  Living the truth.

The whole idea was based on our desire as parents for our children to grow up and have a wonderful relationship together.  The book is and always will be secondary to that end.  So not only must I thank her for her contributions, but I must thank her for keeping me focused on the important things.  God, family and love of each other.

If you want to join us, please come aboard.  If not, that is OK too.  My hope is someone out there will read this book and figure out even more ways to connect siblings and share them with the rest of us.

From our family to yours, Happy Holidays.

Brett

Why siblings clash

If your preschooler is the baby of the family, she’s beginning to catch on that her older sibling has some of the independence and privileges she wants for herself — while your firstborn is discovering that he does not want his little sister tagging along wherever he goes. The result: arguing, name-calling, teasing, tattling, pushing, and hitting that will occupy your kids for hours on end and ultimately threaten your sanity.

The truth is, some brothers and sisters bicker their whole lives, so accept the fact that a certain level of background noise is unavoidable. On the other hand, it’s a good idea to teach your children, as early as possible, the importance of treating each other respectfully and resolving their own conflicts. Refereeing sibling rivalry isn’t for the faint of heart. But with some careful navigation and lots of understanding, you can minimize the headaches and make life at home more harmonious.

What you can do about sibling rivalry

Try not to foster competition. Resist the temptation to compare your children. The classic “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” is bound to hurt feelings. Instead, emphasize each child’s unique strengths: “Tyler, you did such a good job hanging up your towel. And Rachel, I’m so proud of you for writing a story all by yourself.” Praise and reward them together whenever possible, too: “Wow! Nobody spilled their milk tonight!”

Don’t strive for equality. Yes, you read that right. When parents, with the best of intentions, try to treat their children equally, they create more problems than they solve. Instead, treat your children as individuals. The time will come — if it hasn’t already — when one child will get to take a gymnastics class that the other is too young for. And, of course, each child will suffer the indignity of watching her sibling celebrate a birthday with mounds of presents that only he gets to open.

Instead of pursuing equality, tell your kids that you do your best to be fair — and that’s the best you can do. When one wails, “Cindy has more cherries than me,” try saying, “Would you like another cherry? How many more do you think you’ll eat?” When it comes to portions, let one child cut the cake and the other choose the first piece. The child doing the cutting will strive to make the portions identical, and both children may even enjoy the novelty of the experience.

Discourage tattling. When your preschooler runs to tell you that her older sister is sneaking candy, tell her you’re not interested in hearing from her what her sibling is doing. If she wants to tell you what she’s doing, on the other hand, you’re all ears. Make it clear that you won’t stand for your children trying to get each other into trouble. But be sure they understand the one important exception to this rule: If anybody is in danger of getting hurt or is hurting someone, then you need to hear about it right away.

Arbitrate and set limits when necessary. In general, avoid getting involved in your children’s arguments — except to facilitate communication. You can try saying, “I’ll be back in one minute. If you haven’t figured out how to share the toy, neither of you can play with it.” But keep in mind that younger kids often need a grown-up arbiter to enforce civility and guide them toward a compromise — especially if emotions are escalating and you see fury or tears on the horizon. When that happens (and if you think the children are mature enough), step in and listen to all sides of the debate. Don’t let anyone interrupt the person saying her piece. Then sum up the problem, acknowledge its difficulty, and help your kids arrive at simple solutions.

Of course, at times one child will clearly be at fault. If it’s your preschooler, take her aside and lay down guidelines for future scuffles. You might tell her, “Sometimes your big brother likes to play blocks with you, but sometimes he doesn’t. When he doesn’t want to, you can’t chase him around with the blocks. You have two choices: You can play with the blocks by yourself, or you can ask him whether he’ll play something else with you.”

Acknowledge feelings. Sometimes talking about a child’s feelings is all it takes to end a competitive bout. Rather than trying to find your preschooler a rock shaped just like her sibling’s — which she’s been trying to take by force all afternoon — talk to her. Recognize how much she wants her brother’s rock and why she wants it. Listening respectfully may save you a rock-hunting expedition around the lakeshore. Likewise, the next time she tries to snatch a toy from her older brother, remind her that grabbing isn’t allowed — and then say you can see why she wants that toy and you know it’s hard to wait. Teach her to ask if she can have something once her sibling’s done with it.

Set personal property boundaries. Don’t expect miracles, but you can avoid a lot of conflicts by designating a special place for your kids’ belongings — one shelf for each child, for instance. Tell them that before they can touch anything on a sibling’s shelf, they must ask permission. Help them make signs with each kid’s name and Keep Out or By Permission Only. Your preschooler will get a big kick out of having her own shelf — and is more likely to respect her sibling’s personal space. If your kids are close in age, getting them identical toys whenever it’s feasible can help prevent some future conflicts.

You may have seen a Visa commercial which aired this summer of a family on a vacation together. It was a depiction of something I talk about in Close Kids Forever concerning modern technology. While it is pointless to rail on technological advances, it is useful to look at how they can affect your family. In the commercial, something interesting happens as the family is in the car together. One child is listening to an MP3 player, one child is playing a handheld video game (with headphones on) and one was watching a movie (also with headphones on). The father is driving in complete silence. Several times he turns to say something and stops because no one will hear him.

Of course at the end, everyone takes a swim together and the commercial has a happy ending. But in terms of “connecting kids”, this could (and I emphasize could) be a problem. Here is why

It is now possible to take a 10 hour road trip with the family and never even speak to each other.

Technology today is trying to create “isolation zones”. Whether it is I-pods, personal game players or mounted TVs in cars, they all do the same thing. They free people from the outside world. While some relaxation and alone time is certainly good and necessary, parents can’t let it get out of control if your goal is for your kids to be as close as possible.

I’m not saying get rid of anything, but remember these points:

1. Limit personal technology when better options for communication and playtime are available
2. Don’t underestimate the value of short trips and their ability to help bond your kids. If the TV comes on every time you are in the car, you might consider if that is right for your family
3. Have fun together! I hope this helps you and your family have a “Close” month!

My very best,
Brett A Johnston
Author, Close Kids Forever

PS. If you are interested in having the Close Kids Principles shared in your next group meeting or church function, please use the contact tab and get on our schedule!

Anyway as I wrote the Newsletter Update last month I realized there might be an omission of a Close Kids factor from the book. So you wouldn’t miss it, I will include it today. The factor? Sharing a room together.

While it may or may not be practical in your situation, kids who share a room together do have a better chance to grow up as close adults. But with the progress of our culture providing most kids with their own rooms, this practice is becoming more and more rare. To compensate, we have Friday night “sleep togethers”. It is amazing how much they talk about Friday night and how much they enjoy being together. Towards the end of every week we hear, “Is it Friday night yet?”

What amazes their mother and I the most though is not the fact they stay up way to late and talk way too much, it is that they don’t fight. Most days we get a good dose of bickering, but when Friday night rolls around, it magically ends. I can’t explain it, but I can’t recall ever breaking up an argument…ever.

We also let them choose where they want to sleep. They can go campout style with sleeping bags (a word to the parents, this usually provides a late night) or pick a sister’s room and we make due. Most of the time all three of them end up in a twin bed with two of them at one end and one on the other. Try it out and see if the magic works for you and let me know.

PS. Upcoming Speaking Engagements – I will start to post these on the “Book Brett” page of the website, for now I will let you know I will be speaking on having Close Kids in Oklahoma City at St. Luke’s Methodist Church on June 29th at 9:40 in the Chapel.

PPS. From Jessica Bridges article I talked about last month. Things to do with your kids this month – Bottle up Lightning bugs (great time of year for that), Make a Bird Feeder, Spin in a Circle Together, Climb a Tree or Attract Butterflies (How to Attract Butterflies).

All my best,

Brett A Johnston

Have you ever wondered if some severe family trauma will bring your kids together or separate them?  During my research, I discovered it can do either.  A death in the family, parent’s divorce or separation can make kids closer to each other and it can wedge them apart forever.  The significance of this finding is that parents and their parenting skills still have a say in whether or not the kids grow up to be friends.  They are not destined to become separated, so never give up.

Hang in there through hard times and make sure to “bunker down” with your family and fight for them.  The data clearly suggests it will help them and you!

My very best,

Brett A Johnston
www.closekids.com

What if when we did something for one of our children and then let another take the credit for it?  Maybe an example would make my point better.  Just last night, my wife and I made some cookies.  We called in our oldest to help us serve her sisters.  When she did, both of them thanked her profusely and gave her a hug.  The fact that we made them never even entered their mind (a point neither of us minded in the least).

To them, the cookies came from Big Sister.  The smallest one even offered Big Sis her blankie to hold for a while.  THAT is a big deal around here.  Any way, I just thought it was a great way to help them learn to do things for each other.

As always, feel free to leave your ideas and comments!

My very best,

Brett A Johnston
www.closekids.com

Here is the list of inexpensive and fun toys for this Holiday Season (just click on the name for more information).  Please feel freg Game e to add your ideas to the “Comment” section below and share with the community.

Great Walkie Talkies - These inexpensive two-way radios allow hours of communication fun for your kids at a reasonable price (about 35 bucks).

Frisbees! - That is right.  The age old classic is still a classic for this Holiday season.  By nature, they really need two or more people to play with them, they get kids outside and they are a blast.

Air Hogs Helicopters Laser Tag Game- Wow is this cool or what.  Remote control helicopters that really fly and shoot lasers at each other.  The first one hit crashes to the ground (safely) and the game starts again.  This toy meets all our criteria and is a “FamilyFun” Top Toy of the Year!

I hope this list give you a head start in your holiday shopping and helps YOUR children stay and play close to each other.  As always, please share your ideas below.

See you next time.

Brett A Johnston
www.closekids.com