BASRAH, Iraq – Sibling rivalry isn’t always about animosity or jealousy. Sometimes it sparks healthy competitions between brothers or sisters and helps them accomplish their goals. One soldier attributes his success in the military to the rivalry between him and his brother.

Spc. Andrew C. Deason, 36th Infantry Division Special Troops Battalion strives harder for military excellence in order to out-do his older brother, a specialist in the active-duty Army.

Deason, a 21 year-old Houston native, joined the Texas Army National Guard in 2007 for a few different reasons. Many of his family members have served in the Army, including his two grandfathers and his dad, a Vietnam veteran. Sibling rivalry between him and his brother was another motive that led Deason to where he is now, serving as an Iraqi security forces knowledge management representative at Contingency Operating Base Basra.

His brother, Spc. Brian Brown, 10th Mountain Division combat medic, has also deployed to Iraq, twice. Although Deason enlisted two years after his brother, Deason claims that so far he is winning the competition between them to be the first to achieve certain military goals, such as graduating basic combat training, advanced individual training, and getting promoted.

“After he enlisted, I still considered myself better than him,” said Deason. “I told him, ‘Alright. I can do everything you do and better’. It took him two and a half years to get his [rank]. I did it in two. He went through basic training and graduated. I went to basic training and graduated an honor grad. He went to AIT and graduated honor grad., and I went to AIT and graduated the distinguished honor grad,” said Deason with a laugh.

The brothers also compete to see who can meet the highest-ranking military officials.

“When it comes to meeting people,” said Deason, “I’ve got him beat so far. He’s met Gen. Austin. He’s met the chief of staff. Me, I’ve met Gen. Austin, the chief of staff, and the sergeant major of the Army. So, I’m a little ahead of him so far.”

During Sgt. Maj. of the Army Raymond F. Chandler III’s visit to COB Basra, Deason was presented with a coin for excelling in his mission here in support of Operation New Dawn. While handing him the coin, Chandler complimented Deason on his demeanor.

“He said that I have one of those personalities that just makes you want to be around me,” Deason explained. “Since I’ve been here I’ve heard that a lot more than I thought I would. I guess because I seem friendly, and I’ve always got a smile on.”

Deason said he has heard similar compliments from many soldiers throughout his deployment. He finds it’s a lot easier to smile even if he is having a bad day, because he doesn’t see the point in bringing other people down with him.

“Spc. Deason is an invaluable part of our section,” said Sgt 1st Class James R. Gifford, Iraqi security forces section non-commissioned-officer-in-charge.“He has a great personality and his positivity promotes a higher level of morale in our section daily. He is one of those people whose persona makes it difficult for you to have a bad day. He has an extremely strong work ethic and continues to search for ways to improve through both civilian and military education, as well as daily experiences and others jobs.”

With the support he receives from soldiers and his family, including his brother, keeping a positive attitude comes easy, Deason said.

“My mom goes along with whatever I do,” said Deason. “As long as it’s nothing negative, she’s cool with it. My dad is really proud because he’s a Vietnam veteran. He really didn’t expect me to go to the military and stuff. He always thought I’d be the quick little college kid ‘cause he always had this thing about me being a pretty boy. So, I had a little bit to prove.”

The rivalry between him and his brother keeps Deason motivated to accomplish his goals, but he also attributes his drive to succeed as just being part of his personality.

“Me, I like being the guy on top,” Deason said with a grin. “And, if all else fails, fake it ‘til you make it.”

Interesting article from the Gaston Gazette entitled, “How to Squash a Sibling Rivalry”.

Quick situation: 7 year old boy, 2 year old girl.  Girl is wandering in and causing problems/arguments over toys, etc. Solution (straight from the article):  ”The solution is obvious and simple — your son closes and if necessary locks his door. That accomplishes two things: first, it establishes a physical boundary between himself and his sister; second, she is forced to begin learning to entertain herself.
Allow one outburst a day. The second outburst means your son’s not accepting his responsibility for the problem. As a result, he goes to bed an hour early, and every subsequent outburst shaves an additional 30 minutes off his bedtime. I just bet that will be sufficient motivation for him to keep his door closed.”

I’m pretty sure that separating kids with a locked door will certainly help squash the rivalry in the short term.  But I don’t see the promotion of the family or a long term solution. Unless the long term solution is separation.

I would think putting the kids together intentionally in the same place might be a better thing to try first.  They can be working on the same activity or their own activity, but in the same proximity that was set up by you, the parent.  This way you could eliminate the initial problem of the little sister wandering into the older brother’s space with no particular reason and let them learn to be together more.

As always, I could be wrong, but my goals are never short term problem oriented.  They are long term, close sibling oriented!  Try both solutions and let us know.

Brett
Author, Close Kids: Connect Your Children For Life

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We were very honored to have them publish an article on keeping brothers and sisters closely knit.

Check it out here http://www.education.com/reference/article/nurturing-sibling-relationship-long-term/

And spend some time getting to know Education.com!

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BY TRENT HILE

HIGH-FLYING karate sisters Bianca and Alexandra Gallo have taken the meaning of a sibling rivalry to a whole new level. Both own a swag of state, national, and international medals; both are amongst the top handful of junior fighters in the world; and both hail from Richmond’s Hawkesbury Martial Arts dojo.

But to be the best, it’s now likely one will have to beat the other.

15-year-old Alexandra has stepped up to the same 53kg division as 17-year-old Bianca, meaning for the first time, each’s biggest rival in competition lives under the very same roof. The pair first locked horns competitively at the Sydney International Karate Championships at Liverpool’s Whitlam Centre last weekend.

In the final of the Kumite (sparring) Female Junior 48-59kg merged division, Alexandra emerged with bragging rights, winning a nail-biting bout 1-0. Not to be outdone by her younger sister, Bianca squared the wager with a 1-0 win over Alexandra to take the gold medal in the final of the Kumite Female Junior Open division. While most parents would view this most unusual situation as an impending World War III, the girls say they enjoy squaring-off on the mat.

“When we fought we couldn’t help but laugh,” Bianca said. “One minute we were cheering each other from the sidelines, the next we realise we’re facing each other in the final.”

“We know exactly what each other is going to do so we have to try and trick each other,” Alexandra said. “If you are fighting another girl they always have something different – it’s not that we don’t have something different, we just always know what the other one is going to throw.

Speaking with the Gazette last week, the Gallo’s said their preparation remains the same whether facing each other or another opponent. That was until HMA Sensei Daniel Spice cheekily interjected with, “Bianca is scared of Alexandra,” which was of course vehemently denied by the senior of the two.

“It’s worse for me to lose to Alexandra than it is for her to lose to me, because it’s like, well your big sister beat you,” Bianca said.

“When people found out last weekend [that we were sisters] everyone was teasing me with ‘oh so your little sister beat you’.

“It’s like losing to myself, she fights like me anyway,” Bianca laughed.

Alexandra said winning meant more than just gaining one over her beloved big sister.

“Obviously Bianca is my biggest competition so it’s always good beating her,” Alexandra said. “But I felt proud to beat her because it is so hard for us to get a point on each other, so to actually win it was a great achievement.”

The girls are both working towards gaining a spot in the Australian squad for the World Karate Federation Junior and Cadet World Championships in Malaysia at the end of the year, which Spice describes as “the Olympics of karate.” Though with only one spot on offer for each weight division, Alexandra (being the taller of the pair) may look to move up to the 59kg division. Spice has faced a similar stalemate with fellow sibling teammates Aaron and Braden McMahon, with 17-year-old Aaron moving to the +76kg division to avoid clashing with 15-year-old Braden in the 61-68kg. According to Spice, all four are realistic chances of gaining the selectors’ vote.

“Our goal in the next few years is to get to the senior world titles,” Alexandra said. “Hopefully there we can knock out some of the big guns.”

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Anyway, for those who missed it, the interview on connecting your children together and how God might interject into the sibling relationship can be found here… Family Life Today International Broadcast with Brett Johnston

If we can help answer any questions or to set up a talk to your community group, feel free to contact me directly or talk to Jim Miller at Tate Publishing @ (405) 376-4900.

May every sibling find joy in each other!

Brett

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Family Life Today is an awesome program that is really making a difference in families!

Find a station here

Get more information from FLToday.com here

Podcasts will be available after the show airs as well.  I hope you love it.

Also for those of you in the Fort Worth area (my hometown), I will be at Barnes & Noble this Saturday from 1-3.  Please stop by and say hello, I would love to see you.

Brett

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How can we help our kids have a great relationship as adults?

That was the question and hopefully we are a step further today.  But this is only the beginning!  As our kids get older, there will be more pitfalls sure, but many great joys as well.  And many chances for us to influence their relationship.

I’ve always said to groups, I hope someone smarter than me writes a better book about having well connected kids.  That statement has never been more true.  The goal ultimately for us is to do the best we can to form a bond between our kids that is transcending.  Any help is always welcome.

Thank you to all that have helped and supported us along the way.  May you and your children find all the wonderful surprises God has put in your path.

Brett A Johnston
closekids.com

PS. If you have not had the opportunity to purchase a book yet, today is a perfect day.  Amazon is already hosting an amazing sale!  Click any link below to purchase from your favorite bookseller or talk to your local store today.

As we near launch time of the book, I wanted to say a special thank you to my wife, Tiffini!  Without her, this project would never have come.  She was there from the initial idea to the very end.  All her insights, ideas and passion makes it really our project, not just mine.

As it gets closer to January 18th, I have found myself more concerned with promotion of the project than remembering what is important.  Living the truth.

The whole idea was based on our desire as parents for our children to grow up and have a wonderful relationship together.  The book is and always will be secondary to that end.  So not only must I thank her for her contributions, but I must thank her for keeping me focused on the important things.  God, family and love of each other.

If you want to join us, please come aboard.  If not, that is OK too.  My hope is someone out there will read this book and figure out even more ways to connect siblings and share them with the rest of us.

From our family to yours, Happy Holidays.

Brett

Why siblings clash

If your preschooler is the baby of the family, she’s beginning to catch on that her older sibling has some of the independence and privileges she wants for herself — while your firstborn is discovering that he does not want his little sister tagging along wherever he goes. The result: arguing, name-calling, teasing, tattling, pushing, and hitting that will occupy your kids for hours on end and ultimately threaten your sanity.

The truth is, some brothers and sisters bicker their whole lives, so accept the fact that a certain level of background noise is unavoidable. On the other hand, it’s a good idea to teach your children, as early as possible, the importance of treating each other respectfully and resolving their own conflicts. Refereeing sibling rivalry isn’t for the faint of heart. But with some careful navigation and lots of understanding, you can minimize the headaches and make life at home more harmonious.

What you can do about sibling rivalry

Try not to foster competition. Resist the temptation to compare your children. The classic “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” is bound to hurt feelings. Instead, emphasize each child’s unique strengths: “Tyler, you did such a good job hanging up your towel. And Rachel, I’m so proud of you for writing a story all by yourself.” Praise and reward them together whenever possible, too: “Wow! Nobody spilled their milk tonight!”

Don’t strive for equality. Yes, you read that right. When parents, with the best of intentions, try to treat their children equally, they create more problems than they solve. Instead, treat your children as individuals. The time will come — if it hasn’t already — when one child will get to take a gymnastics class that the other is too young for. And, of course, each child will suffer the indignity of watching her sibling celebrate a birthday with mounds of presents that only he gets to open.

Instead of pursuing equality, tell your kids that you do your best to be fair — and that’s the best you can do. When one wails, “Cindy has more cherries than me,” try saying, “Would you like another cherry? How many more do you think you’ll eat?” When it comes to portions, let one child cut the cake and the other choose the first piece. The child doing the cutting will strive to make the portions identical, and both children may even enjoy the novelty of the experience.

Discourage tattling. When your preschooler runs to tell you that her older sister is sneaking candy, tell her you’re not interested in hearing from her what her sibling is doing. If she wants to tell you what she’s doing, on the other hand, you’re all ears. Make it clear that you won’t stand for your children trying to get each other into trouble. But be sure they understand the one important exception to this rule: If anybody is in danger of getting hurt or is hurting someone, then you need to hear about it right away.

Arbitrate and set limits when necessary. In general, avoid getting involved in your children’s arguments — except to facilitate communication. You can try saying, “I’ll be back in one minute. If you haven’t figured out how to share the toy, neither of you can play with it.” But keep in mind that younger kids often need a grown-up arbiter to enforce civility and guide them toward a compromise — especially if emotions are escalating and you see fury or tears on the horizon. When that happens (and if you think the children are mature enough), step in and listen to all sides of the debate. Don’t let anyone interrupt the person saying her piece. Then sum up the problem, acknowledge its difficulty, and help your kids arrive at simple solutions.

Of course, at times one child will clearly be at fault. If it’s your preschooler, take her aside and lay down guidelines for future scuffles. You might tell her, “Sometimes your big brother likes to play blocks with you, but sometimes he doesn’t. When he doesn’t want to, you can’t chase him around with the blocks. You have two choices: You can play with the blocks by yourself, or you can ask him whether he’ll play something else with you.”

Acknowledge feelings. Sometimes talking about a child’s feelings is all it takes to end a competitive bout. Rather than trying to find your preschooler a rock shaped just like her sibling’s — which she’s been trying to take by force all afternoon — talk to her. Recognize how much she wants her brother’s rock and why she wants it. Listening respectfully may save you a rock-hunting expedition around the lakeshore. Likewise, the next time she tries to snatch a toy from her older brother, remind her that grabbing isn’t allowed — and then say you can see why she wants that toy and you know it’s hard to wait. Teach her to ask if she can have something once her sibling’s done with it.

Set personal property boundaries. Don’t expect miracles, but you can avoid a lot of conflicts by designating a special place for your kids’ belongings — one shelf for each child, for instance. Tell them that before they can touch anything on a sibling’s shelf, they must ask permission. Help them make signs with each kid’s name and Keep Out or By Permission Only. Your preschooler will get a big kick out of having her own shelf — and is more likely to respect her sibling’s personal space. If your kids are close in age, getting them identical toys whenever it’s feasible can help prevent some future conflicts.

You may have seen a Visa commercial which aired this summer of a family on a vacation together. It was a depiction of something I talk about in Close Kids Forever concerning modern technology. While it is pointless to rail on technological advances, it is useful to look at how they can affect your family. In the commercial, something interesting happens as the family is in the car together. One child is listening to an MP3 player, one child is playing a handheld video game (with headphones on) and one was watching a movie (also with headphones on). The father is driving in complete silence. Several times he turns to say something and stops because no one will hear him.

Of course at the end, everyone takes a swim together and the commercial has a happy ending. But in terms of “connecting kids”, this could (and I emphasize could) be a problem. Here is why

It is now possible to take a 10 hour road trip with the family and never even speak to each other.

Technology today is trying to create “isolation zones”. Whether it is I-pods, personal game players or mounted TVs in cars, they all do the same thing. They free people from the outside world. While some relaxation and alone time is certainly good and necessary, parents can’t let it get out of control if your goal is for your kids to be as close as possible.

I’m not saying get rid of anything, but remember these points:

1. Limit personal technology when better options for communication and playtime are available
2. Don’t underestimate the value of short trips and their ability to help bond your kids. If the TV comes on every time you are in the car, you might consider if that is right for your family
3. Have fun together! I hope this helps you and your family have a “Close” month!

My very best,
Brett A Johnston
Author, Close Kids Forever

PS. If you are interested in having the Close Kids Principles shared in your next group meeting or church function, please use the contact tab and get on our schedule!